The Acid Jazz Channel

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Mirror Universe: Note to My Half Brother Chris Shropshire: Here's Why I Think You're a Fuckin' Moron for Enlisting

Mirror Universe: Note to My Half Brother Chris Shropshire: Here's Why I Think You're a Fuckin' Moron for Enlisting

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Where I answer friendly comments by Patio and Vinny about lying blackmailing Wilkinsburg code enforcer Jim Frank...

I get comments. Imagine me with an ascot, Hugh Hefner robe, and a chilled wine as I read the musings of an adoring public...right.

Anyway, here's Patio. No I can't quite figure out the sex or the name. Is it a person or a lawn accessory...can't tell. Can't quite tell.

So Patio (?) says:

Sorry, but I think you need to keep your private issues private.
This is not the place for your rants.

Well, this is kind of odd. I've never had a lying blackmailing public official knock on my door and threaten me--illegally and I'm of the opinion criminally but I have to present a better brief to the DA--and give me an interesting story. Never ever happened. Of course, back when I worked for print media, which was a very very long time ago, people knew I was a reporter and that they had to be careful about what they said to me. Then again, if Jim Frank knew and truly understood the reach of the modern internet he really wouldn't threaten anybody. Everybody can be a reporter. I guess it was Jim's poor luck to pick on a guy who was an online reporter.

And for the record: I really think the Internet is built for rants and different experimental kinds of writing and reporting. That's why I'm here. I can guarantee you that its not for the money.

Now, here's something I wrote in response that I'm going to edit because I can edit things here where I can't edit the comments I write. Just not allowed.

Do you rent or do you own? If you rent, are you responsible for your landlord's land? Do you have to pay for upkeep if its not a part of your original lease? Is it okay for the code enforcement guy to threaten you with eviction if you abide by your own lease? I think these are big issues and they're certainly worth writing about as opposed to the usual car crashes and weather stories that trad media is usually obsessed with...

So Patio, really that's the presumed fake name that's been given (I hope.), writes something else:

patio says:
Your lease is irrelevant.
The LAW takes precedence.
Yes, really.
Have some consideration for your neighbors. July 31, 11:05 PM

Well Patio, and please don't take this the wrong way, but how fuckin' stupid are you? Yeah sure. The Wilkinsburg City Council can pass a LAW that allows for slavery. It doesn't mean that its constitutional. By the way, and here's a suggestion that they'll probably ignore but here's a suggestion for council. You need to make a distinction between major and minor repairs for tenants. Its one thing to spend a hundred bucks for a lawn repair but there are repairs to this property that could cost thousands. If you concede to the former, then you open yourself up to the latter, which could be catastrophically expensive future liability. Who knows what tomorrow may bring. I must never accept responsibility for somebody else's property or crimes. Its the principle of the thing.

Two, if you read what I've written and have the comprehension that exceeds a 10 year old, then you know that I've offered friendlier non threatening solutions to this problem. Hey, if you know some apartment dwellers who would like to garden then please send them my way. I'm perfectly okay with the city's Weed and Seed program coming in and doing a good deed. I admit no liability for the property that I don't own and will certainly not accept the penalties for somebody else's crimes but if its just the grass you want cut...well, that can be accomplished without threats, lies, extortion or blackmail. Or what I call the JIm Frank style of code enforcement. Oh, for god's sake let's not disappoint the neighbors, Patio. If you would like to keep things nice and tidy then give me your number and you can do it.

Three, and this reflects poorly on your reading skills, Jim has argued that the written lease I've signed is void. Are you routinely this dim?

Four, speaking of the neighbors you so cherish, some of them are also in clear violation of 302.4. I wonder if they've been cited or received warning of a possible citation. I kind of doubt it. Here's something odd that Jim told me several months ago. There was a house that was going to be demolished and he said something that once that was done "they'll be looking at you". I guess the question that comes to mind is who is "they?" I have to admit that I'm kind of curious.

Five, and you might find this depressing Mr. or Miss Patio but they haven't gotten back to me with a date for my board hearing. It's been about a week. If you combine the weakness of a "notice of a possible citation" with their slowness in scheduling a board hearing, then you get a strong sense that they're wimping out on us. I'll give Jim a call Monday and ask when or if they'll be a board hearing. I wouldn't be surprised if they decided that a mistake had been made...because its always a mistake when somebody can publicize the evil you're doing. No secrets.

Which brings us to Vinny.

Here's Vinny:

Dear Fidel,
Oops, Philip, does your morbid obesity prevent you from maintaining your lawn? Or are you just a lazy bastard???


Hmmm. Well that's a puzzler. First, I don't think of myself as morbidly obese although I am overweight. I'm kind of Forest Whitaker in Ghost Dog fit.

I don't think that's very fit but its not morbidly obese, either. I can ride a bike...? Hey, how do you know anyway?

As for being a lazy bastard, well that's partially true. First, I know who my parents are so I'm not a bastard, like you Vinny. I am lazy about certain things, however. But here's the thing: I'm really lazy about work that isn't my responsibility. Like my landlord's. Not responsible for that BP spill, either. Don't care if somebody named Vinny who doesn't even have the courage to give his last name--everybody knows who I am--complains about me not cleaning up the BP spill on my own dime. I'll live. Oh, and Vinny, you can come over here and cut the lawn too. You and "Patio" can go crazy on the horticulture. Think of the neighbors, who also have uncut lawns.